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Current Issue

Sunday, August 18, 2019 ISSUE # 982
 

Can Biden become Silent Joe? Bidding on Greenland

 Joe Biden is the Democrat front runner, and his supporters want him to stay in front. Their suggestion is for him to imitate President Coolidge from now until November 2020. “Silent Cal” had “Economy” as his platform in 1924. He was just as economical with his words as he was with our tax dollars.

Now, telling Biden not to talk is like telling Trump not to Twitter. So as a compromise he has agreed to only speak before noon. From noon to midnight he can ride in parades and wave, and go to fundraisers where he will only stand there and grin. Yes, he will pose for selfies with big donors, but with his hands tied behind his back (yes, literally). We poke fun, but actually Joe Biden is no different than he has been for the last fifty years, but now his critics have video cameras.

The biggest surprise of the week is that Greenland might be up for auction. Yes all 500 million acres of it and 60,000 residents. It is owned by little Denmark, which is like Rhode Island owning Texas. Greenland is suspected of having vast natural resources but Denmark is losing their shirt because they don’t know how to drill or mine through all that ice. The citizens are opposed, but when Denmark cuts off their welfare payments, they might welcome a bid from America. And they had better hope we can outbid China.  

Greenland has the potential of becoming the world’s number one exporter of ice. With global warming, that might be the main reason to bid on it.

Greenland was named by the same advertising agency that named the Cherry Sisters vaudeville act. (Those five young “singers” from Iowa were awful, and Will Rogers said one time, on stage, “the Cherry Sisters were named before anybody discovered Lemons.”) See, the perfect name, “Iceland,” was taken. And “Frozen” was already trademarked by Walt Disney.

Greenland holds the distinction of being the only big island you can fly over all day and not see anything green. Except maybe for Australia in a drought.

The idea of us buying Greenland has come up before, but President Trump is being criticized for even hinting at it. You would think that everyone yelling about global warming would be praising the idea. They are always preaching that all the ice in Greenland will melt, and oceans will rise, wiping out our coastal cities. So it ought to be logical for them to see that if we own Greenland, it gives some place for those millions of flooded out citizens to relocate to.  And our farmers could use most of the 500 million acres to grow corn, wheat, cotton, bananas, and pineapples. Even lemons.

Historic quote by Will Rogers:

(paraphrased) “Buy land, because they aren’t making any more of it.” WA #381, April 13, 1930


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