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Sunday, February 16, 2003 ISSUE #261


COLUMBUS: Snow has brought Ohio to a crawl. Not all of Ohio, but much of it has a foot of snow. The Governor says this state is short of dough, but he's smart enough to keep the snow plows running. Our problems with snow ain't nothing compared to the effect it will have when it hits Washington. (See WR quotes below)

In Florida, rain turned the Daytona 500 into the Daytona 275. Michael Waltrip was the winner for NAPA. No word yet on whether they will give everyone who attended a six-pack of spark plugs. That rain was a minor annoyance for NASCAR, but it's a calamity for the Chamber of Commerce. With folks up north ready to hop a plane to the sunny south, they see all that rain and decide to stay home and invest in a snow blower.

Millions of peace marchers were out again this weekend, but only where they have good weather. Rome, London, Paris, Los Angeles, San Francisco. Even in Australia.

Several Hollywood actors were marching at the front, eager to tell all they know about foreign affairs. One had recently returned from Baghdad, and said Iraq has no weapons of mass destruction. He was absolutely positive there are no such weapons there because that's what Saddam told him.

Saddam did admit to having Scud missiles that can fly more than 90 miles. That's against the UN rules, so he has agreed, in due time, to blow them up. Half will be blown up in Israel, the other half in Istanbul.

I read in the paper where a television network is being criticized for a new 'reality' show. They want to round up some ignorant hillbillies, move them to Hollywood, and let the rest of the country laugh at them as they attempt to civilize the folks along Rodeo Drive and Sunset Blvd..

Well, I got another idea for CBS. Take about 25 of those marching actors over to Iraq. Assign them to negotiate peace with Saddam, and every week we could tune in to see which ones are still around. Now that would be the Real Beverly Hills Survivor show. To make it worthwhile, the winner would get a free trip France, provided he agrees to stay there.

After watching these peace parades, Saddam is seriously thinking about moving to France himself. Why not. It looks like they would elect him President. They haven't won a war in 200 years, so he would fit right in.

Bin Ladin announced this weekend he wants to go out a martyr. Now, I am not aiding the enemy, but if he really wants to hobble this country, all he has to do is figure out how to flatten the tires on all the snow plow trucks.

Historic quotes from Will Rogers:

"I've been reading in the papers about all these boys and girls marching, you know marching to keep from going to war.... these students learning to march in the peace parade, that will give them just about the training we give our soldiers in a regular war, you know. They'll just about be ready for it then." Radio broadcast, April 14, 1935

"Flew in (to Washington) this afternoon to see what the boys who live by the aid of the ballot box are doing. Busy as usual passing appropriation bills like hot biscuits at a country farm house. Snowed here, but you can't see the ground for the lobbyists." DT #2357, Feb. 21, 1934

"Seven below zero in Washington this morning and snow a foot deep. Lobbyists standing frozen to death outside of Congressmen's homes. A lobbyist has nothing to keep him warm but his brief case." DT #2363, Feb. 28, 1934

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