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Monday, October 07, 2002 ISSUE #245


COLUMBUS: Our President came back to Ohio again, this time to Cincinnati to give a speech to the nation. Actually it was mainly a speech to the Democrats. And Saddam Hussein.

You may wonder , why Cincinnati? Well, can you think of a better place to announce a War? Look at the Bengals. Anybody who comes to Cincinnati always wins.*

Putting on a war just to take out one man seems kind of excessive. Maybe they should just find the guy shooting those people in Maryland, and ship him to Baghdad.

But Mr. Bush does not really expect to have a War. He figures once he gets the Army and Air Force and everybody lined up behind him, in unanimous support, it'll end before it starts. So far, all he's got behind him is England. And the Republicans. That leaves about 250 assorted countries, and the Democrats. So at the rate he is attracting folks to his side of the argument, it will be unanimous by around Christmas. Of 2010.

He is already looking ahead. He says when Saddam is ousted, America is willing to send Twenty Billion dollars a year to Iraq. Yes sir, 20 Billion. And at ten dollars a barrel, that'll get us a lot of oil.

In other news this week New Jersey Senator Toricelli dropped out, and the Supreme Court says it is ok for him to be replaced on the ballot by a retired Senator, Frank Lautenberg.

Ohio Democrats are keeping an eye on that New Jersey situation. See, we've got a candidate for Governor here, and he ain't doing so hot. There's talk that he might resign from the campaign, and be replaced on the ballot by John Glenn.

The baseball playoffs are underway. Already the teams everybody figured would win the World Series have been knocked out. The Angels beat the Yankees. That'll make Gene Autry pull out his guitar and strum a happy tune for St. Peter. The St. Louis Cardinals have a new Gashouse Gang ready to take on Barry Bonds. And that team up in Minneapolis that some folks wanted to get rid of a year ago, they're still in the hunt.

A judge in North Carolina announced he is taking the crown away from both of their Miss America candidates, at least temporarily. When this controversy started a month or so ago I heard from a former Miss North Carolina who says she is ready and willing to step in. In fact, she has been ready for about 40 years. Jeanne Robertson still has her tiara, and a closet full of evening gowns and nice clothes, and she still fits in her old bathing suit.

She does have a new talent... she just stands up there and talks and the judges and the whole audience are rolling in the aisles, laughing.

She says that's the same reaction she would get wearing the old one piece.

Historic quote from Will Rogers:

"There has been war since the beginning of time, and we are no smarter than the people that have gone before us, so there is awful apt to be some more war." WA #368, January 12, 1930

*Note: for those of you not into American football, the Cincinnati Bengals of the National Football League are 0-5.

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