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Friday, September 13, 2002 ISSUE #243


COLUMBUS: Florida held an election Tuesday. I guess they figured the country needed some comedy relief this week

It was only 2 counties that had problems, and you can probably guess which ones. They spent millions to make elections fool proof, but the voters fooled 'em. Gov. Bush should have known, if you're gonna use computers to vote with, you better bring in some experts to operate 'em. Say, 7th graders. You need keen eyesight to find the on-off switch.

You know, "Touchscreen" voting is really not fair for a generation that grew up getting yelled at for leaving fingerprints on windows.

But they can't go back to punch cards. I think what they need to do in the next election, is get everybody together... the whole precinct... in a big room. Then call out a candidate's name and ask people raise their right hand if they are for him. To make it an honest election they can bring in counters from another state, like Chicago.

Or to speed it up, bring in counters from Australia. They've got men that can count 600,000 sheep a day. Those blokes could count Florida's votes faster than their computers.

Here's a news flash...just a few minutes ago I heard that, "Miami Dade County found 1800 uncounted ballots". Janet Reno perked up at that news, till she found out they were from the election in 2000.

Miss North Carolina has been in the news lately. It seems an old boyfriend was shooting his Kodak when, if he had had any manners, he would have been shutting his eyes. North Carolina always has lovely candidates, and some tall ones too, and this one was special because she's an Indian. Us Indians are used to losing, but this is the first time it's on account of a picture. Usually it's on account of land, and it's the land we're losing.

Here in Ohio it's still dry. Weatherman says it'll rain tomorrow.

Have you noticed, they always predict more rain than what you get. And when they do get it right with their "scattered thunder storms", it seems the rain is scattered at the airport where the official gauge is located, and not on the farm fields where we need it.

Congress voted to give the farmers another $6 Billion in drought relief. The President hasn't decided if their votes are worth that much.

It's hot in the Midwest, but winter has already hit New Hampshire. Presidential hopefuls will arrive shortly.

Historic quote from Will Rogers:

"The Middle West got rain. Even the Lord couldn't stand to wait on the Republicans forever." DT #1269, August 19, 1930

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