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Sunday, April 17, 2011 ISSUE #651

Falling asleep at wrong time is nothing new
April 17, 2011           

    COLUMBUS: Let’s see if I got this straight. Republicans voted to reduce the deficit by cutting  $400,000,000,000 a year from the budget using Congressman Ryan’s plan. Then President Obama announced a plan to reduce the deficit by raising taxes, but he didn’t say how much they would raise.
    The deficit is $1,600,000,000,000. If what I learned in fourth grade arithmetic is still in order, and we subtract $400,000,000,000 in the Republican plan, that leaves $1,200,000,000,000 in added taxes favored by the Democrats. The Republicans have told what they want to cut, so now it’s up to the Democrats to tell what taxes they want to add, and persuade taxpayers to send it in. If you’re wondering about your share, on average it’s the same as last year plus 40 percent.
    But when you leave out the half that don’t earn enough to pay anything, well, for the rest of us, the government will just ask, "How much did you make?" Whatever you answer, they’ll say, "Send it in."
     During President Obama’s speech on reducing the deficit, we all saw the video of Vice-President Biden sleeping.  It was a boring speech, mainly on raising taxes. The only real budget reduction he offered was when he said, "I’ll cut the Vice-President’s salary in half."  That’s when Joe woke up.
    The same idea ought to work on the air traffic controllers.
    Of course these are not the only men that ever went to sleep on the job. Those of us celebrating Easter this week will remember that Jesus took his disciples into a garden and said, "Stay here and keep watch." But instead of keeping watch they fell asleep. It was while he was praying, and right after he had fed them a big Supper. 
    Air traffic controllers have a tough job, except in the middle of the night. The solution for one that dozes off at 3:00 a.m. with no airplanes in sight is a Taser. Just let him nap until he’s needed, then if he doesn’t answer the incoming pilot, he gets Tasered.

Historic quote by Will Rogers:
    "Diary of a United States Senate trying to find $2,000,000,000 that they have already spent but didn't have.
    Monday - Soak the rich.
    Tuesday - Begin hearing from the rich. Tuesday afternoon - Decide to give the rich a chance to get richer.
    Wednesday - Tax Wall Street stock sales.
    Thursday - Get word from Wall Street, "Lay off us or you will get no campaign contributions." Thursday afternoon - Decide "We was wrong about Wall Street."
    Friday - Soak the little fellow.
    Saturday - Find out there is no little fellow. He has been soaked till he is drowned.
    Sunday - Meditate.
    Next week - Same procedure, only more talk and less results."
DT #1806, May 8, 1932

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