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Sunday, December 19, 2010 ISSUE #634

Florida oysters and New Jersey berry breeders lose in Congress
Dec. 19, 2010

    COLUMBUS: Congress has been rushing around this week to make up for two years of procrastination. A couple of important bills passed.

    But a Trillion dollar appropriations bill failed. It was so loaded down with Christmas presents, it never got off the ground. Six thousand pork barrel projects were wrapped and loaded in the back of Santa’s sleigh, and all it could do was slide down Capitol Hill and crash into a pile of stunned lobbyists. No doubt some of these earmark requests are valuable, but when you know $ 8 Billion would have to be borrowed from China, it puts these projects in a different light.

    New Jersey asked for $500,000 for cranberry and blueberry breeding. Is that for people who want blue cranberries to go along with the red ones?

    Retiring Ohio Senator, George Voinovich, asked for $20 million for a Coast Guard station in Cleveland, apparently to protect Ohio from an impending invasion of Canadians. There was $10 Million earmarked to build a Ted Kennedy Institute. The Kennedy family still has over a Billion of old Joe’s bootlegging profits, so they can easily build it themselves.

    Florida requested $500,000 for "oyster safety". You know, the best way for a Florida oyster to stay safe from human hands is to claim it’s a close relative of Rocky Mountain oysters. Get a YouTube video showing how "Uncle Rocky" gets harvested and peeled, post a few photos on Facebook, and believe you me, Florida oysters will be safe from consumption by Easterners.

    The whole tax argument is over who gets to play Santa Claus. Congress wants you to give ‘em a big chunk of what you earn so they can decide who gets a visit from St. Nick, and how much will be in each stocking. On the other hand, most folks would kinda like to keep most of what they earn, and make up their own mind on spending, investing, or what needy person or charity to give it to.

    Merry Christmas everybody, including Congress. Let’s pray the Lame Ducks get out of town before turning into Turkeys. Or mountain oysters.

Historic quotes from Will Rogers:

    "Taxes is all there is to politics. You take taxes out of politics, and you don’t have any politics, or taxes, either."
WA #161, Jan. 10, 1926

    "Merry Christmas, my constant readers, both of you... Men, act surprised this morning as if you didn't know the tie was coming."  DT #121, Dec. 24, 1926

    "Generally speaking, we do have good cheer in our hearts on Christmas. 'Course, we can't hardly wait till the day is over and to get back to our devilment again." DT # 1379, Dec. 24, 1930

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