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Sunday, June 01, 2008 ISSUE #502

Will offers to help Obama find a church

June 1, 2008

COLUMBUS, Ohio:  What a week for the Democratic Party. A candidate resigns from the church he attended for twenty years, and two days later his opponent beats him two to one in a primary. Of course that primary was in Puerto Rico, which can't even vote in November. Senator Clinton explained that it was still an important win because it gives her momentum going into the even bigger primary on Tuesday, in Mexico.

What church will Senator Obama join next? He resigned for political reasons, and if he joins a new one for the same reason, I don't know what denomination he'll choose, but don't be surprised if it's located in Ohio. Over the next six months he'll spend more days in Ohio than any other state, so why not Sundays.

I'll be happy to send him a personal invitation to our little church. This morning's sermon was on the importance of building on a solid foundation, and no political opponent could harp on that. We don't have any prominent politicians attending, but the congregation does include a football coach with more influence than the Governor.

Meanwhile in Washington, the Democrats finally decided on Florida and Michigan. According to the original rules their votes counted for zilch. Here lately Senator Clinton insisted they should count a hundred percent, or at least as much as votes in Puerto Rico. So 30 Big Men (and Women) met and argued all day Saturday, then went off to a side room and compromised on 50 percent.

From now on, or at least till the end of August, if you're a Democrat from either of those two great states, you're worth exactly half as much as if you hailed from Kentucky or West Virginia. But that's way more than you were worth before Saturday's decision. These half-delegates have until the Convention to pair up so they will at least have a whole vote in there.

NASA engineers had an amazing week. After a journey of four hundred million miles, they landed a spacecraft on Mars, near the North Pole. Yesterday they discovered the landing was on a small patch of ice. When Al Gore heard the news he congratulated them, then added, "Ten years ago, the ice patch was much bigger."

Finding water on Mars is a notable scientific discovery. Next they're going after a notable economic discovery, by drilling for oil.

Historic quotes from Will Rogers:

"Well, they have been balloting all day at the Democratic side show at the Garden, for that is what some misguided people think is the nominating place. The real nomination is taking place in a room at some hotel with less than six men present." Convention Article #9, after seven days of the 1924 Democratic Convention

"Who said miracles don't happen? Didn't the Democratic National Convention nominate a man at last? This should bring more people back to religion than any other one thing. It has been a demonstration of faith, because, after all, God is good." Convention Article #18, after sixteen days of the 1924 Democratic convention.

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