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Tuesday, February 14, 2006 ISSUE #397

V-P Cheney gets the spotlight, naturally

# 397, February 14, 2006

LOUISVILLE, Ky: I just heard that the lawyer Vice-President Cheney shot down in Texas had a heart attack. For Lord's sake, let's hope the old fellow don't die. Really it's for Republican's sake. If he dies, and the same folks get invited to the funeral that spoke at the one for Mrs. King, can you imagine the barbs that'll get flung at 'em.

The local newspaper got the story first, and the Washington reporters appear to be more upset about the whole thing than Mr. Whittington. Kinda makes you wonder if they would have been happier if the shooting had been the other way around.

Texas sent Mr. Cheney a bill for $7. Seems he had a hunting license, but they charge another $7 to shoot quail. No charge to shoot lawyers, even out of season.

Here in Louisville, The Courier-Journal says Governor Fletcher had a gallstone removed Monday. You won't hear any jokes from me on that. "I" remember 1927 all too clear: "I am in California Hospital, where they are going to relieve me of surplus gall, much to the politicians' delight. I am thrilled to death. Never had an operation, so let the stones fall where they may." (DT #282, June 16, 1927)

Afterwards I wrote a little book about it called "Ether and Me", and I'm going to mail a copy to Gov. Fletcher. In this book I pondered over what causes gall stones. "Well, there are various reasons. Republicans staying in power too long will increase the epidemic; seeing the same ending to Moving Pictures is a prime cause; a wife driving from the rear seat will cause Gastric juices to form an acid, and that slowly jells into a stone as she keeps hollering. Of course I will always believe that mine was caused by no sanitary drinking cups in the old Indian Territory where I was born. We used a gourd raised from a gourd vine. Not only did we all drink out of the same gourd but the one gourd lasted for years, till Prohibition weaned some of them away from water." (Ether and Me, 1927)

With all this commotion on shooting and surgery, we practically forgot about Lincoln's Birthday and Valentine's Day. Our retailers will notify us about Presidents Day coming up Monday even if our news folks are preoccupied searching for clues on that Texas ranch.

Historic quotes from Will Rogers:

"Today the Governor of Kentucky made me aide on his staff with the rank of colonel. I thought I would get out of Kentucky without being made a colonel. But luck was against me. So it's Colonel Rogers, suh. Put a sprig more mint in that julep." DT #524, April 1, 1928.

"The last few days I have read various addresses made on Lincoln's Birthday. Every politician always talks about him, but none of them ever imitate him." WA #115, Feb. 22, 1925

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