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Monday, October 03, 2005 ISSUE #381

Help Wanted: Supreme Court Justices, no experience necessary

# 381, October 3, 2005

COLUMBUS: The Senate confirmed John Roberts and he took over the Supreme Court today. The president nominated Harriet Miers for the other opening. Nobody ever heard of her. He explained that he doesn't think a man or woman has to actually be a judge to know how to judge.

You ask a Congressman or Senator what qualifications they had before being elected, and I bet you none of them felt especially well prepared for the mess they faced on their arrival at the old joke factory. So these new Justices may be as good as any the President could round up, considering the limits placed on him. See, he didn't have to pick a sitting judge, but he was practically forced to name a lawyer.

On Thursday I was in Stark County, to address the school bus drivers and mechanics. That's the home of Massillon and Canton, the twin football capitals of Ohio. They start 'em as four year olds and keep 'em going right through the Pro Football Hall of Fame.

It takes 600 bus drivers to haul all their students, and they received longevity awards, for survival. At 20 years they receive a watch. And at 30 years they got a plaque. I announced a new award for 40 years: they get a bus. Of course the bus they get is the first one they drove. There was one driver at the dinner with 45 years, but he refused to accept the bus unless it came with its own mechanic.

In Georgia the governor canceled school for 2 days last week to save all the diesel fuel used by the buses. It was a surprise holiday and you can guess who was the happiest about it. In other news from Georgia, the governor asked the Legislature to lower the voting age.... to six.

These Ohio drivers scoffed at the fuel saving idea. They said, if we run out of fuel, we'll get the students off the bus and we'll all push it to school. Now, that's how you build champion football players.

Tom DeLay was indicted for political corruption in Texas. I saw him interviewed on television and he said, "I'm innocent. Everything I did down there I checked with lawyers. No check ever crossed my desk unless 3 independent lawyers approved the transaction." Now, you see right there he practically admitted guilt. Anybody who's doing something legal and above board don't need a dozen lawyers to tell him tell him if he's ethical or not. The more lawyers a man requires to tell him if he's honest, the more certain you can be that he ain't.

But it's no big surprise. This week they trapped a Republican. Won't be long till they grab a Democrat, soon as they can find one that's actually received any contributions.

I promised to give you a plan for New Orleans. And I'll get to it next time. The mud has to dry out a bit before you can work it anyhow.

Historic quotes from Will Rogers:

"Democrats and Republicans are equally corrupt; it's only in the amount where the Republicans excel." undated notes

On this one, Will was not referring to the challenge facing our Senators voting on Supreme Court nominees, but it applies: "We only get to vote on some person; we never get to vote on what he is to do." Saturday Evening Post, April 30, 1932

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