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Thursday, June 09, 2005 ISSUE #367

Howard Dean and Paris Hilton bump Michael

# 367, June 9, 2005

COLUMBUS: It took Howard Dean and Paris Hilton to knock Michael Jackson off the front page. Can you imagine a more unlikely pair than those two? There's plenty of folks that don't care for what they say or do, but you've got to give 'em credit, they got people talking about Democrats, and washing cars.

Next time I'm in Oklahoma I'm going to the Carl's Jr. in Claremore, order a thick burger, and offer to wash cars waiting at the drive thru. I'll wear a bathing suit and a Stetson, and the line will stretch out into the street if Paris shows up to help. I'll spray on the water, Paris can apply the soap suds, and the customer gets to wipe dry either his car, or Paris. There's no charge, but I will accept donations, and all proceeds go direct to the Democratic Party.

The Michael Jackson jury is taking their time, still deliberating. You can't blame them. They had to sit there and listen to lawyers arguing for months, so they are determined to delay a decision till Michael runs out of new suits and is down to his last pair of silk pajamas.

Historic quotes from Will Rogers:

"I wonder if the jurors' minds were made up early like all the rest of ours were. I have had a hunch somehow that it would be a hung jury. If it is, I wonder if they couldn't just sneak off in a back room somewhere with a judge, a jury and a few witnesses, and then do it like the Supreme Court handles theirs, don't let us know anything till the decision." DT # 2659, Feb. 17, 1935

"As soon as the government lawyers had shown that Al Capone wore silk underwear, why they rested their case. They looked at the jury and figured that would be the most damaging evidence they could bring before 'em." DT #1631, Oct. 14, 1931.

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