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Sunday, September 04, 2016 ISSUE #882

Will Rogers to Debate Hillary Clinton 

My next debate proposal is to give Hillary Clinton a practice session. I’m not optimistic she will come out of hiding to face me.

But really, she has all the advantages. She has a Yale Law degree and more than 30 years in government. I sneaked out of Kemper Military Academy in the middle of the night and my only time in politics was a short stint as Mayor of Beverly Hills.

When it comes to making money in farming and ranching, she’s got me beat. I learned, almost from the day I was born on a ranch at Oologah, about caring for beef cows and their calves, letting ‘em graze on big bluestem, then in a couple of years we would drive those fattened cattle to the railhead in Kansas City. But Mrs. Clinton learned how to buy cattle futures and almost overnight turn a thousand dollars into $100,000.

I was never ornery enough to attract attention of the FBI so I don’t know how I would come out of an encounter with them. But they seem to love Hillary Clinton. And they love holidays. They interrogated Secretary Clinton on Saturday of the July 4 holiday weekend (and on July 5 said she was extremely careless with top secret emails, but should not be prosecuted). Then late on Friday of Labor Day weekend they released their notes from that interview, with more damning information. My guess is the next bombshell from the FBI will be released on Thanksgiving Friday. Yes, after she’s been elected and everyone is at the Mall.

          In our debate, I won’t ask her about anything that happened more than a couple of weeks ago. If I did, she would just say, ‘I don’t remember.’ If she desires, she can have her Blackberry on the lectern. Or 13 of ‘em. For my opening remarks, I’ll just read a couple of her deleted emails, even if they are boring.

Historic quote by Will Rogers: (This is Will Rogers’ debate challenge in 1928. As you read this, replace Al Smith with Hillary Clinton.)

“Gov. Al Smith: This is the open season for Debates, and I believe you and I could put on about as good a one as one of these others.  So I hereby challenge you the way I challenged the other fellow last week. Now the trouble with most Debates, they are confined to a subject.  Now we won't let that worry us, we won't let issues or questions worry us at all, we'll just rent Madison Square Garden.

I hate old records.  I won't dig up how you voted on every bill since you been in office. I think what a man did years ago has nothing to do with what he is doing today. Your old records mean nothing to me.

What you and I want to talk about is, “What will we do if we get in?” The first thing I will do is to have that White House painted green, so they can't call it the White House any more.

Prohibition: let's not mention that.  It has stirred up enough trouble already. Farm relief: you know how a Farmer votes.  When he gets to the polls he reaches in his pocket and sees how much he's got.  If it's only a few cents, why, he says ‘Throw the rascals out.’ But if he's got as much as a dollar he guesses that the rascals is on his side after all, so maybe he'd better leave 'em in.

I challenged Hoover, but he wanted to make it over the radio.  Now, that's no way to debate. There is too many people listening in that have no vote, so what's the use trying to convince them? A Debate over a radio would be just about like a game of chess by telegraph.

Al, you want to make your appeal to the common people. Well you can't make any commoner appeal than I can.  The poor people are my people till election, too.

Let's hold it in New York City. We'll hold it at midnight and draw a big crowd. So I am just practicing till I hear from you, and I hope it will be soon. You and I can pack 'em in.”

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