"They may call me a rube and a hick, but I'd a lot rather be the man who bought the Brooklyn Bridge than the man who sold it."
"Everybody is ignorant. Only on different subjects."
"This country is not where it is today on account of any one man. It is here on account of the real common sense of the Big Normal Majority."
"People don't change under governments. Governments change. People remain the same."
"As bad as we sometimes think our government is run, it is the best run I ever saw."
"Nowadays it is about as big a crime to be dumb as it is to be dishonest."
"We elect our Presidents, be they Republican or Democrat, then start daring 'em to make good."
"Live your life so that whenever you lose it, you're ahead."
"My ancestors didn't come over on the Mayflower, but they met the boat."
"Comedians haven't improved. Nothing has improved but taxes."
"Personally, I have always felt the best doctor in the world is the Veterinarian. He can't ask his patients what's the matter. He's just got to know."
"No man is great if he thinks he is."
"It's great to be great, but its greater to be human."
"America is a land of opportunity and don't ever forget it."
[Randall Reeder gives a lot of talks as "Will Rogers" that are entertaining and help folks feel good about who they are and what they do. Contact him about speaking at your next meeting, convention or training seminar: firstname.lastname@example.org 614-477-0439 (cell) Ask about his special deal as a Will Rogers impersonator in Oklahoma.]
"People are marvelous in their generosity if they just know the cause is there."
"I am just an old country boy in a big town trying to get along. I have been eating pretty regular and the reason I have been is because I have stayed an old country boy."
"Don't gamble. Take all your savings and buy some good stock and hold it till it goes up then sell it. If it don't go up, don't buy it."
"Whoever wrote the Ten Commandments made 'em short. They may not always be kept but they can be understood. They are the same for everyone."
"We will never have true civilization until we have learned to recognize the rights of others."
"If you send somebody to teach somebody, be sure that the system you are teaching is better than the system they are practicing."
"When you write down the good things you ought to have done, and leave out the bad things you did do, that's memoirs."
"Horses raise what the farmer eats, and eats what the farmer raises. You can't plow the ground and get gasoline."
"There will never be a time when the old horse is not superior to any auto ever made."
"They used to take your horse and if they were caught they got hung for it. Now they take your car and if they are caught it's a miracle."
"The crime of taxation is not in the taking it, it's in the way that it's spent."
"Both political parties have their good times and bad times, only they have them at different times. They are each good when they are out, and bad when they are in."
"People's minds are changed through observation and not through argument."
"Technocracy wants to do everything by machinery... Machinery is doing just fine. If it can't kill you, it will put you out of work."
"The small town was the incubator that hatched all our leaders, and that's why we haven't got as many leaders today as we used to have. If you take every small-town-raised leader out of business and industry you wouldn't have anybody running it but vice-presidents." (Slightly edited for clarity)
"I have always noticed that people will never laugh at anything that is not based on truth."
"Everything is funny as long as it is happening to somebody else."
"It costs ten times more to govern us than it used to, and we are not governed one-tenth as good."
"I joked about every prominent man of my time, but I never met a man I didn't like."