|Monday, February 12, 2007||ISSUE #443|
John Howard and Will Rogers offer solutions to nation's problems
#443, February 12, 2007
COLUMBUS: Last week, no sooner did I brag about no snow in Columbus, than we got hit. It wasn't much but it brought rush hour traffic to a crawl. Those folks in northern New York can handle six feet better than Columbus can three inches. The weather bureau says we'll get another chance to practice driving in snow tomorrow.
Ford announced they will change the name of the Ford 500 (which nobody's buying) to the Taurus, which everybody bought for years out of habit. They have lost Billions and outside of a peculiar plan to build their big pickups even bigger, this is their only hope. But I say if they really want to turn around the company, change the Ford Focus to the Model T. That'll revive 'em.
Speaker of the House Pelosi has requested a fast airplane to take her from Washington to San Francisco. There's some confusion over whether she has time for a refueling stop. Well, I have a suggestion; Tinker Air Force base in Oklahoma would be a natural place for a pit stop. Those boys are trained so well they get you back on track quicker than NASCAR. If she's in an enormous hurry, they could refuel her in the air. Nobody wants air traffic delays to hold up the essential business of Congress.
Anna Nicole Smith died and that's got her back on all the television talk shows. Newspapers hardly mentioned it because the only thing about her that draws attention is the moving pictures. Since I don't offer videos either, why most of you will skip right on to the next story. Men are lining up claiming to be the daddy of her little girl, who really is a billion dollar baby. She makes Paris Hilton look like a pauper. She is attracting more candidates than the 2008 race for President. In fact a couple of the men are pondering a switch.
In this 2008 election, all the states are trying to jump ahead of Iowa and New Hampshire. I suggest they all get together and schedule the primary on November 4, 2007. That's when everybody is used to voting, so why string 'em along till January or February. The race will be decided before Christmas anyhow, so why not make it official.
All these announced Democratic candidates are ignoring what our military men are saying about Iraq, so Australia's John Howard jumped in to advise 'em. Sen. Obama says advice from the Prime Minister is ok, but sending 20,000 Australia troops to Iraq would be better. Believe me, if Mr. Howard asks 'em, they'll go. And if we can get the 20,000 Ethiopian troops I suggested earlier, that makes 40,000; plus our own 20,000, why they would run the Iranians back out of there.
Historic quotes from Will Rogers:
"Well, for little fresh air away from Hollywood, made a little two-hour flight up to Frisco last night.... Some talk of President Roosevelt pulling in here for fuel, but I see where he has gone to Honolulu instead." DT #2482, July 17, 1934
"The Islam women in Jerusalem have asked their government to take their veils off and allow the bride and bridegroom to see each other before marriage. It won't do 'em any good. We don't use 'em over here, but you would think we did." DT #1273, Aug. 24, 1930
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