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Monday, February 07, 2005 ISSUE #354
 

Super Bowl, sex and State of the Union grab headlines

# 354, February 7, 2005

COLUMBUS: The New England Patriots won the Super Bowl again last night. If Coach Belichick gets a couple more of those championships they'll have to rename the Lombardi Trophy after him. He is the Houdini of the NFL. He takes the players nobody else wants and teaches them how to beat better teams. He clipped the Eagles wings, tied them down, and they didn't even realize they had been hypnotized till after the final whistle. The other coaches, not just Andy Reed, all say, "Yes, the Patriots won. But we're better." It'll take till next season for 'em to figure out his magic tricks, if then.

There was one hero for Philadelphia. Terrell Owens defied medical science by catching nine passes on one good leg and a second one that should've been in a plaster cast and elevated.

President Bush needs to find the doctor that got Owens healed in 6 weeks when it usually takes 15. If he can do it with one football player, imagine what miracles he could perform if he was in charge of all our folks on Medicare and Workers Compensation. Patients wouldn't have to send to Canada for drugs 'cause they would use so few of them. Injured workers would get back on the job so quick output would go up, companies would make more dough and pay more taxes and we wouldn't have to raise the Social Security age to 75 to balance the budget.

The Super Bowl cleaned up its halftime show and commercials, so the guys wanting to see a little more skin are gonna have to subscribe to cable. Tonight ABC News announced they were surprised that the same cable companies that are making billions from charging extra to air sex shows are giving millions to support Congressmen running on moral values. They should not be surprised. Persuading Congress to prohibit sex on free TV is good for business, just like a different kind of Prohibition 80 years ago. (see last quote) So look for Congress to vote for less free sex on television, and more in the Capitol.

The Iraqis last Sunday taught us a few things about running elections. Ban cars, make everyone walk to the polls and threaten to shoot 'em. Can you imagine the howl if every voter was required to dip a finger in blue ink. Then bar exit polling and make us wait a few days before the ballots are counted and results posted. Say, maybe it's worth a try.

President Bush gave the State of the Union speech, and left town before the Democrats could respond. He went out campaigning for his Social Security reform plan. When he found out no one understands the economics of how it will go broke in forty or fifty years from spending more than it takes in, he decided it was safe to return to Washington and present his Budget. It calls for spending $2.5 Trillion while collecting $2.1 Trillion. Even with all that spending some folks are getting cut short. The big farmers will have to economize and get by on a $250,000 subsidy. Price of some foods may go up to make up the difference. Cities may have to pay for their own parks, and states pay to educate their students.

Tomorrow night I'm going to see Mark Twain here in Columbus. He ought to have something humorous to say about old age pensions, deficits and sex.

Former heavyweight boxer Max Schmeling died last week at 99 in Germany. (see first quote below) He was the world champion so long ago, 1930-32, I forgot he was still living.

Historic quote from Will Rogers:

"This fellow Schmeling deserves a lot of credit. He has from the start here conducted himself both in and out of the ring in a mighty commendable way that has brought nothing but credit on his country." DT # 2137, June 9, 1933

"The budget is a mythical bean bag. Congress votes mythical beans into it, and then tries to reach in and pull real beans out." DT #2047, February 24, 1933.

"I tell you turning your land into a golf course is the salvation of the farmer. That's the only thing to do with land now, is just to play golf on it. Sell your land and caddy." DT # 593, June 20, 1928

"Pres. Harding canvassed Denver on 'The enforcement of the [Prohibition] law.' The bootleggers all agreed with him that the stricter the law is enforced the better it will make prices. Why, in some places it was getting terrible; the prices had dropped to almost what they were before the law went in. If there is one thing that will starve out bootlegging it is cheap prices." WA # 31, July 15, 1923


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