|Friday, October 01, 2004||ISSUE #337|
Baseball, Debates and Martha Stewart draw Will's attention
# 337, Oct. 1, 2004
COLUMBUS: The debate season opened last night. Hunting season is a few weeks away, so the deer and elk are safe. It's the voters that's being used for target practice. Most folks say the debate was a draw, at least the ones who listened to it. Senator Kerry did a credible job explaining where he stands. President Bush repeated his position in the first twenty minutes, and the for the rest of the hour and a half he looked kinda bored, probably like most of us that watched the whole thing.
Actually Mr. Bush wasn't bored, he was sleepy. He's usually in bed, sound asleep by 9 pm, so he may insist the next debate be held at noon.
Martha Stewart learned where she will be spending the next five months. She wanted to stay in Connecticut to be close to her mother, or in Florida till she saw what hurricanes can do to home furnishings. But no, she's headed for federal prison in West Virginia. She won't be close to home, but she is practically neighbors with that famous resort, The Greenbrier. The woman who shot President Ford is down there. In the prison, not The Greenbrier.
I hope they let her out once in a while, at least to sit on the porch. West Virginia is beautiful this time of year.
Some say it was spite by the judge that got her sent her to West Virginia. But I have a different theory; I figure the whole thing was arranged by Senator Byrd. Yes sir, he brought the FBI to his home state, and roads and bridges and the Social Security Administration, so why not Martha.
Washington, D.C. is getting a baseball team again. Years ago they had a team called the Senators. I don't know what they'll call 'em now, but I doubt if it's Senators. They've got enough problems without being saddled with that.
Think about it. Senators are always away on weekends so home games would have to be played Tuesday to Thursday. Not only are they out of Washington, they're usually in some foreign country, on kind of a road trip. So on weekends they would have to play on foreign soil, and not just Puerto Rico like last summer.
Maybe they could go against the Reds in China, or even North Korea. The best match-up would be Dodgers against the Senators, no matter where it's played; nobody dodges better than a Senator. And if you want to draw a sell-out crowd, let 'em take on the Cardinals in Rome.
So as a nickname, Senators is out. But I do have a suggestion; you know how a team wants to project an image of power, of success, of domination, of always winning. Well, there's only one name for them: the Washington Lobbyists.
Speaking of Washington, next time you're there go see the new Indian Museum. They tell me it is chock full of history, both old and modern. Indians have contributed family heirlooms to help the rest of us understand and appreciate the culture.
Historic quote from Will Rogers:
"Been reading a lot about politics. Up in old Massachusetts the Republicans are in a dog fight among themselves. Mr. Gillette's time is soon up as a Senator and he wants to withdraw and let ex_President Coolidge run. Then the Democrats have dug up another Coolidge, who is a Democrat. That's the blamedest State for curiosities. Wouldn't that be a hot race with a Coolidge on both sides?" DT #971, Sept. 5, 1929
4779 Baldwin Road
Hilliard, Ohio 43026
Send e-Mail at: