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Sunday, February 22, 2004 ISSUE #310
 

Weekly Comments: It's Kerry vs. Edwards, and San Francisco vs. Massachusetts.

# 310, February 22, 2004

COLUMBUS: Ohio is braced for the onslaught. Senator Kerry was in Dayton Wednesday, and Senator Edwards was here today. They both talk about jobs, but mainly it's one job they're after. Ralph Nader jumped in today but nobody knows if he'll make a splash or a mere ripple.

Thursday I was talking to the Mutual Insurance Companies convention here, and I was kidding them about John Edwards. I said, you probably won't vote for him because he's a trial lawyer who got millions and millions from suing businesses and their insurance companies. But, I said, you might want to think it over. See, if he loses he's out of work. And if he's out of work, he'll go back to lawyering, and you'll have to raise your rates.

Mr. Edwards seems like a nice fellow. He's a smooth talker and has some good-sounding ideas. As I listen to him though I keep thinking of how he made his millions, by persuading twelve people at a time to contribute huge sums of somebody else's money to his client, so he could grab a third. As he lays out his plans for hope and optimism, and you calculate your share of the bill, be sure to add a third. He did say we need to educate more scientists and engineers, and I agree on that one. He was also wise enough not to mention any plan for growing more lawyers, because he knows they are a self-perpetuating lot.

All I know is what I read in the paper, and a headline said, "Dean quits race, vows to reform Democratic Party". He's taking on a Herculean task. It's easier to get nominated than to get Democrats to reform. They nominate somebody every four years, kinda out of habit, but nobody's old enough to remember when they ever reformed. But if you think it's hard for a Democrat to reform, just try it on a Republican.

Governor Dean had a 2-year head start and $50,000,000, but when the voting started he went 0 for 17. Good luck to him on reform. He's a doctor, so he may knock 'em out with ether, surgically remove the objectionable organs, call in a plastic surgeon for a face lift and in a few weeks introduce the "New Reformed Democrat". Just because it hasn't been done doesn't mean it shouldn't.

Have you noticed that Democrats and Republicans can't agree on how many jobs will be formed in 2004. They can't even agree on how many jobs HAVE been created. Republicans say there's 138 million of us working, which is one million more than we had four years ago, and Democrats say we have lost 2.3 million jobs in four years. I guess that means there's about 3.3 million of us that whenever a Republican is spying on us, we're working, but if it's a Democratic inspector looking our way, we just lean on our shovel.

After they agree on the number of jobs we've got, maybe we'll listen to their prognostications on the number we'll get.

These Democrats had better be careful how they yell at the President over jobs. He's got a few hundred million stashed away for campaigning. Instead of spending it on television ads, which nobody watches if they can avoid 'em, Mr. Bush may just hire a million or so folks and put them to work.

Their job, if they accept it, will be to call their neighbors and brag about all the new jobs he has created. If he did try to hire a million, I bet he couldn't find 'em because this thing will turn around and business will hire 'em out from under him, pay 'em more, and they won't feel so obliged to vote Republican.

You know, Reno, Nevada has always claimed to be the divorce capital of the country. This month, just a few miles to the west, San Francisco staked a claim as the marriage capital. Of course, Massachusetts jumped in sooner, but San Fran says they've got a natural advantage, and deserve the crown. Most folks see this debate over marriage as a religious argument, but it's mostly over money.

Chicago's mayor don't want his city left out and is putting in a claim of his own. Chicago prospered in the past when Prohibition referred to liquor, and not the prohibition of certain types of marriages, so they say they don't want to be left out of prosperity in the future. Kinda like Prohibition, no matter which side you're on it'll end up costing you.

Oklahoma lost a favorite daughter this week, Charlotte Circle. She had lived in Ohio so long, Oklahoma may have forgotten her, but she sure never forgot Oklahoma.

Historic quotes from Will Rogers:

"I maintain that it should cost as much to get married as it does to get divorced. Make it look like marriage is worth as much as divorce, even if it ain't. That would also make the preachers financially independent like it has the lawyers." DT #562, May 15, 1928

"...I knew cows better than I did lawyers. There is a way of studying a cow and learning all about her, but a lawyer? There has never been any course at college devised where you can take in "What Makes A Lawyer Like He Is?" WA #482, March 20, 1932


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